This Ride Upturns More People

Hey, bare with me for a second,

but I need you to stop talking about Trump.

For me, just stop. Trump’s the worst

and Trump wins when people talk about Trump.

So whatever you do, stop talking about Trump.

No matter how outrageous Trump gets,

ignore the racist or sexist things Trump says,

and just stop talking about Trump.

In fact, it’d be better off just to not read about Trump.

If you read about Trump’s debts to Russia

or Trump’s plans for walls in Mexico

it means that more articles about Trump will be written.

And more articles about Trump

is just more free advertising for Trump.

So please, just don’t read about Trump.

In fact, don’t even think about Trump.

That will surely prevent Trump from winning.

It doesn’t matter how absurd or unpresidential

Trump acts while on the Trump campaign.

Even if Trump were to drop his pants on live TV,

and wave his genitals for the camera,

just don’t think about Trump.

In fact, don’t even picture that hypothetical;

Trump, waste down naked next to a podium,

his pale body gyrating, jiggling from side to side

for gawking onlookers and cheering supporters.

Even thinking about Trump naked will help Trump win.

So on the count of three, no more thinking about Trump,

okay?

One.

Two.

Three.

Oh shit, did you hear what Trump said now?